Make Each Day Count

On this lazy Sunday, my daughter and I laid on the bed and watched the Titantic. In the movie, there was a scene when Leonardo's character was invited to this lavish dinner because he had save this lady's life. Throughout the dinner, most of the people at the table made snide remarks about his poverty stricken life. Near the end of the dinner, he said "I may be poor but I find excitement in living life because each day I never know where I may lay my head next. Before I arrived on the Titantic, I was in Paris painting, but now I am here having dinner with you fine people" (So they thought).

Watching this scene made me think about the conversation that I had at this Halloween Party the previous night. One of the conversations was about a few people wishing that they could go back to when they were 18 or 22. When you are 18 and 22, people enjoy it because you have minimal responsibilities and a whole lot of freedom. But I firmly believe that just because you have increased responsibilities that does not mean that you can't live life with boldness, passion, and youthful vigor.

Have you ever watched 3 different movies consecutively at the movie theater, gone to playground by yourself, laid in your pajamas all day (and didn't have a problem with it), made angels in the snow, decided to go out of town (i.e. Bahamas) and then went the next day, read a book all day, learned a new dance like salsa, or done anything to rejuvenate your vitality. One of the things my sisters and I do during the holidays is have a sleepover and watch all the Christmas classics like National Lampoon Christmas Vacation and Home Alone. It is amazing how during that moment we all feel like we were kids again.

On the recent Bill Maher show, he talked about how adults need to leave Halloween and other children activities to the kids. Usually Bill makes some good points but on this one we are going to have to disagree. Every now and then, it feels good to receive the beaters or the mixing bowl, right after mom finishes making a cake.

"Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it".
Malcolm X, Malcolm X Speaks, 1965 US Black Nationalist Leader (1925 - 1965)

Our Little Helpers

Have you ever let your child or other children help you with something that you enjoy. If you thought doing anything with passion was cool, wait until you share that passion with a young person. Many times in life, we race through our lives trying to reach or attain something that we might not really want.

For me, cooking is one of my loves of life. Whenever I get an opportunity, I share that with my daughter. I don't care if it is putting the sugar in the Kool-Aid, breaking the eggs, beating the cake mixture, or seasoning the meat. I always try to find something that she can do.

So I encourage everyone to not only pursue your passions in life, but also share them with your kids. At some point of their lives, that may be the most memorable moment that they can hold of you!

P.S. Today, we cooked French Toast, Scrambled Eggs with Cheese, and Bacon.

The Journey of Life

A friend of mine forwarded this to me today, and here it goes:

Philippians 4:13 --- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success.

Before I go, here is something that I try to live by everyday. Success is not a destination, it is a life long journey.

The Sniper

Does anyone remember the shootings that took place near Sam Cooper Pkwy and Tillman last year? Someone was shooting into random cars. Unfortunately, I had to pass that location every day on my way to work. When I first heard the incident on the news, I immediately thought,"I am going to have to find a new route to work". For those who know me, I went the same way to work the next day (FYI I run toward fights not away.)

Even though I may do some unwise things but I AIN'T STUPID! So I decided that if there was a red light at that intersection, I was going to slow down in advance. My rationale being that it would be more difficult to hit a moving target. Sure enough, there was a red light. Immediately, I began to hit the brakes. Interestingly, I saw a car just sitting at the red light. As soon as I saw that I thought,"Well, I guess that they didn't see the news last night". As I looked closer, I only saw one head (Girl) in the car and that was on the passenger seat! Curiously, I began to wonder where is the driver. Once the light turned green, the driver (Guy) seat popped up and the car sped off(LOL!)

I guess chivalry applies to everything except taking bullets!

One Hot Day

Yesterday, my barber cut my hair right before I went to a job interview. (Tip #1--Never get your haircut in your interviewing outfit) While we were laughing about how long it took me to get the hair off of my clothes, another memory came back to me.

One hot and humid day, I woke up to attend a funeral at our original church. On this particular morning, I felt extremely lazy so I only ironed the front part of my shirt. For those who are having trouble picturing me, it is the part of the shirt that is visible when you have on your coat jacket.

Finally, we arrived at our destination. At first, we thought it was hot outside, but once we got inside the church; it felt like sitting in a sauna fully dressed. In my mind, I was hoping that they would shorten the service due to the overcapacity. Of course, you know that they did't. It seem as if they knew that my shirt was heavly wrinkled underneath my jacket, so they did everything that they could to get me out of that jacket. Sweat was profusely rolling down my face.

Then, an elderly lady sheepishly leaned over and slowly whispered in my ear,"Baby, why don't ya take off ya coat"? So you know what I had to do. With all my innocence and truthfulness, I look at her and said,"I am going to keep my jacket on because I feel just fine. Thanks for asking." By the time the funeral finally ended, I had to receive fluids intravenously. (Just kidding)

I will leave you with Tip #2--Always iron your entire shirt because you never know when you might be forced to take off your jacket:-)

Elimidate

You are probably wondering if I am talking about the T.V. dating show. YES, I AM! A couple of years ago, I auditioned for the show. But first, let me tell you about how I got to the audition. One of my past careers was managing a promotions company. We had events at every popular nightclub and worked with every well-known promoter in Memphis.

While at Denim and Diamonds nightclub, I would gather all of the employees that worked outside to talk until we got really busy. The "Something to Think About" section of Oprah Magazine was the weekly discussion topic. On this particular week, fear was the topic of discussion. The hardest of men responded with much candidness that their greatest fear was fear of rejection. So the goal was to pick something to do to face that fear. Now, back to Elimidate.

Before I went to the shoot, all of my friends and associates told me,"Do anything, but don't get cut first". Once, I arrived at the shoot, I realized that I knew 2 of the 3 guys. (The one that I did not know knew me) There was a stripper, substitute teacher, "wanna be" rapper and me. The guys were really great, and we had a good time; but you know what Happened. I GOT CUT FIRST on NATIONAL TV(LOL!). Boy, my friends tease me to this day. As a matter of fact, if we are ever joking on each other, then they will resort to the end of all jokes,"At least, I did not get cut first on Elimidate"!

Luckily, when the show aired, I was visiting a school in Boston. But once I got back to Memphis, you know that it was on! On the way back from Boston, I flew through Atlanta. Right before I was about to board the plane, the airline rep asked for my boarding pass. When she asked (her head was down), and I proceeded to give her my ticket. All of sudden, she looked and said,"Oh my god, you're the guy that was on Elimidate last night". She went on to talk about how she and her boyfriend watched the show, and she could not believe that the young lady cut me. Thank God, I had a little ego stroking before my friends stripped me of it altogether.

Keep reading my blog, there will be more memorable moments to come!

"Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? Just as the seed of health is in illness, because illness contains information, your fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if you explore them."
Marilyn Ferguson

Wearing Someone Else’s Shoes

To realize the value of a sister or brother,
Ask someone who doesn't have one.
To realize the value of ten years,
Ask a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years,
Ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year,
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months,
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize the value of one month,
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one week,
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of one minute,
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one second,
Ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member,
LOSE ONE.

Origin Unknown

Have you ever lost someone close to you?

I have. Vividly, I remember the many people who were trying to be helpful by saying I understand how you feel. No you don't....No you don't......No you don't, would just continuously flow through my head like a weather message at the bottom of a television. The weather message also said "Currently, there is a thunderstorm watch, but if you continue to talk to me, it will be upgraded to a thunderstorm warning".

Mistakenly, people think that their experience of lost is the same as others, and that is not the case. Each one of us has a unique and special relationship with each loved one. So if you ever find yourself in a position of offering support, try a few of the following responses:

1. I will pray for you and your family.
2. If you need anything, I will be here for you. (Make sure you mean it!)
3. Trust in God, and he will be your strength.
4. If you ever need someone to talk, please call me.

"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives." A. Sachs

Sister Love

I cried at their weddings like they were in an arranged marriage and I never was going to see them again. So many people were trying to console me but I know that they were really thinking what in the hell is wrong with this boy(LOL!). During both of their weddings, many memories of the time we spent together raced back-and-forth through my mind. At that time, I could only think about how I officially had to share my sisters with someone else for the rest of my life.

Throughout my life, I have always been outgoing. But when it came to family, I was very private and protective because they are so special to me. We have been through many memorable moments like one sister drinking lighter fluid mistakenly thinking it was water.(LOL, It was funny after we found out that she was okay) Another moment was when my other sister finally lost all her weight in 6th Grade and all the boys wanted to talk to her. Of course, my mom immediately told her that if they did not give her the time of day then, don't entertain their interest now.

Unbeknownst to them, they are probably indirectly one of the reasons why I have not married yet. Their influence on me has been so great that I take extra care in choosing the women that I spend time with.

I am so happy that my sisters have finally found great men that can give my sisters what they deserve. One day, I hope that I can find the same in a special woman.

"How we treasure (and admire) the people who acknowledge us".
--Julie Morgenstern, O Magazine, Belatedly Yours, January 2004

Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.
--Eddie Cantor (1892-1964)

Let Go and LIVE

It is a wise father that knows his own child.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), "The Merchant of Venice", Act 2 scene 2

Thursday, October 20, 2005, I had a conversation with my dad that would change my life forever. For so many years, I felt resentment toward my dad. At first glance, some would think that he was not in the home or did not provide for us. But that is far from the truth. He was in was not only in the home but also provided for us very well. We have stayed in nice neighborhoods and attended good schools.

During the conversation, my father and I were completely honest about how we felt. From that conversation, my family and I have grown closer together. I am eternally grateful to a friend of mind who reveal something from her background that was very private. At that point of her revelation, my friend probably was the most vunerable in her life but at the same moment I received the most strength in my life (Thank you friend!). Life is interesting sometimes because I was able to do something that I could not do in my 29 years on this earth and that is talk to my father candidly with much love and without any anger. Some may say why did you wait to now to have the conversation with your father. But I think had it taken place any sooner, the message would not have been communicated very clearly.

Why do you think mending valuable relationships so important? Personally, I feel everything in life is interconnected. Meaning had I never resolved the issues with my father, consequently the issues would have spilled over into other relationships with people I love. For example, in a few instances, I would avoid expressing my true feelings verbally so I would not talk to that person about the issue. Similarly, that was directly related to my relationship with my father. My greatest fear in life was having that conversation with my father, so psychologically if I can talk to him about how I feel, now I can talk to anyone.

For those who still are unaware about what it takes to be a good father/husband, here are a few things that I have learned:

• Being a father/husband is more than providing for your family, it is about being there spiritually, emotionally, and mentally for them.
• It is about being available when someone needs a person to talk to. It is about going to your child's activities that are important to them.
• It is about putting away your work to spend some quality time.
• It is about going out on dates even after you are married.
• It is about continuing to do the things that hooked your spouse.
• It is about putting emphasis on the relationships with the people that you love and not on the possessions that you love.
• It is about supporting your family member even if you disagree with his/her decisions.
• It is about going to the PTA meetings.
• It is about occasionally taking the kids to the doctor.
• It is more about the small, thoughtful gifts and less about purchased "I did not put any thought into this" gift.
• It is about spending time with the kids while your wife takes a bubble bath after she gets off of work.

It is about a whole lot more, but now it is up to you to want to figure the rest out!

Lottery Wishes, Dreams Deferred

One day driving from Nashville, my friend and I were talking and I asked him what would be the first thing that he would do if he had won the lottery.

So many people say things like this:
Quit my job.
Buy a house.
Buy a car.
Start a business.
Retire my parents.

With much deliberation, my crazy friend calmly says "I would change my phone number"(LOL!)

On the serious tip, have you ever thought about from what communities do most of the lottery dollars come from. Well, I thought about and asked a representative about where did most of the money come from in Shelby County. The representative said that it came from some of the poorest zip codes in the county. So the next question is from what income level do lottery scholarships usually come from? Middle class.

It has been proven that many of the worst performing schools are typically in the poorest neighborhoods. So many people in these poor neighborhoods are betting on the lottery (similar to athletics) as a ticket out of desperation. But in actuality, the small wealth of the poor is being transferred to the middle class in the form of scholarships. Even though those scholarships are open to everyone but you as a student are not being equally prepared in school for those scholarships.

So the next time you play the lottery, think about where is this money coming from and where is it going.

Change in a Dash

I was born by a river
in a little tent.
and just like the river
I been running every since.
Its been a long, long time coming
But I know a change gon' come
Oh, yes it will!

"Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better"(King Whitney Jr.) Change is apart of life; just like seasons, birth and death.

A while back in Oprah, there was an article called "The Dash". The dash referred to the dash on a tombstone. So many times we attend funerals and see the many tombstones; but we never contemplate the profundity of the dash. The first date is your birth and the last date is your death. In between the dates, the dash represents your life. Your happiness, love, disappointments, relationships, family, accomplishments, hurt are all representative in the dash. From those experiences of change, you evolve into who you will be and in the end the true you is officially created and completed. Now you are the diamond that was created by change mixed with much time and heavy pressure.

So in the end what will your dash mean............

Get busy living, or get busy dying!