Back to Familiar Things

Sometimes doing familiar things or people (just kidding:) can be good or bad . But this post is about doing something that was familar to my family before my mom got sick.

That thing was Friday night dinner with fried catfish, spaghetti, and Mom's world famous cole slaw. We had not done that since June 2006. On Friday, Gabrielle asked what we were eating for dinner and the first thing that came to mind was catfish. Now I was so tired from work, and I certainly did not feel like grocery shopping and cooking. But something moved me to do it.

I went old school by making my own batter out of corn meal. The skill of preparing spaghetti was learned under the tuteledge of my sister. The only reason that I know how to fix the cole slaw was because momma told me how to fix it while she was sick. So I will always have a personal connection to that dish:)

We all ate and it was goooooood!!! So it can be refreshing to reconnect with those things and people that are familiar to you.

My Tribute to my Mom at her Funeral

The tribute that I did at my momma's funeral is listed below, but let me put it in context. Some of the stories are not in detail and I will write about them in future posts. Of course, God is what help me handle and survive my mom's death. In addition, my tribute to her help me process her death in a much healthier way. I have spoken in numerous programs and acted in television shows, plays, and commercials, but this was the most difficult situation that I have spoken.

Just to let you know, it took me two days of working on the tribute off and on. As a memory would hit me, I would write down. On the evening before her funeral, I was up most of the night by myself at my sister's house, because I requested to be by myself. Once I finished it, I practiced it. Then, I walked on the treadmill to relax, and then slept for a couple of hours.

On the day of the funeral, my immediate family wore all white to represent a celebration of a life lived (Thanks Wayne for the idea). Unfortunately, someone was in charge of finalizing the details of my mom's funeral, so there were people on the program that I would not have chosen. But it didn't matter because 1) I was speaking and 2) I was last on the program. In retrospect, it was a good thing that I asked to be last, because certain individuals fumbled the ball of making mom's funeral a celebration. Thank you God for giving me the strength and courage to honor my mother's life by sharing some memories from our family and friends.

For those who helped me through everything, thank you. For those who have not been helpful, the sleeping giant has awakened!:)

Here is the tribute:

Introduction
My dad said I had 3 minutes to do my tribute to Momma, but how can you put a time limit on the words of a child to his/her mother? You can’t, so I will finish when I get finish. I hope our mom is not mad at me because this will be the first time that I will break her rule of reading what I have to say.

Many people have been asking how is Harry doing? For those who attended my sisters’ weddings know how I cried like I was at a funeral. So what is he going to do today?

While listening to XM radio, I heard a song by Kindred.
Where would I be without you?
What would I be without you?
What would I do without you?
I will answer those questions at the end of my conversation with you.

The Dash
Many of us have seen tombstones from the different funerals that we have been to. A person’s name, birth date, death date, and maybe a quote are usually listed on the tombstone. But people sometimes miss the dash. The dash is very significant because it represents the life of an individual. So today, I am going to talk to you about my mom’s dash.

Lesson Learned—After mom died, Melody, Acey, Brandy, Brandon, and I were riding in Melody’s truck, and I asked them to give me one lesson that they have learned from our mom’s sickness and death.
--Always rely on God first. Whenever you have a problem, go to God first.
--Never stay in any unhappy situation because life is too short.
--Love and forgive no matter how a person treats you or what they have done
--She was not my mother-in-law, she was like a mom to me
--Whenever you do a nice and thoughtful act do it, don’t wait because you might not get a chance to do it.
--Researched the history of wakes
--Hey Momma Blog entry

Stories From the Melody, Brandy, Gabrielle, and Me
--Seeing my sisters cross delta (AKA)
--Never missed an event during college (She always supported us) Success/Failure Rhythm Kitchen
--Thank Devin Peace Achiever of the Month
--Delivering flowers to mom 2 weeks before Mother’s Day
--Melody/Acey wedding party “Even when momma falls, she still does it gracefully”
--Brandy talk to mom every afternoon, Joan every morning.
--While riding in the car, I asked Gabrielle to think of something that she loved Nana to do. It took me about 10 questions to get closer to the answer that I wanted. So I just asked her to think about and let her mother or me know when she decided. She started crying”I miss Nana”. I asked her think of one good thing that you will miss about Nana,”Her not dying”
I was talking to Melody and I asked her was momma wearing the same outfit for the wake and funeral. Melody said yes. I told her that momma was going to haughty her and Brandy because this will be the first time that she has ever worn the same outfit 2 days in a row.

“Do You Need Anything?”
To those who have asked “Do you need anything”. Yes. Our mom dedicated her entire life to children because she understood that children are the foundation of a society. If you want to see a great nation, look at how they are educating their children. So I am asking that everyone to do one or all three of the following things.
Volunteer—MCS Connect Mentoring Program, Hands on Memphis, Knowledge Quest, Youth Congress, United Way Youth Leadership Program, Boys & Girls Club
Build long lasting relationships based on strong communication because there is no guarantee how long you will be here.
Trust in God by finding you spiritual self because our lives may be the only Bible some people will ever read.

Conclusion
Momma, where would I be without you? Right here, right now
Momma, who would I be without you? A real life example of your work and love
Momma, what would I do without you? Continue to seek complete happiness and greatness by building a closer relationship with God and making a difference in this world.

Thank you all for your acts of love! And as a refrigerator magnet in Melody’s kitchen says, “What you are is God’s gift to you, What you make of yourself is your gift to God.” So what will your gift be?

I'm Baaaaaackkkkk!!!

Maine, I lot has happen since I posted last. Part of what took so long was the passing of my mom, and the other part was I could not remember my dat gum (Did I spell this right?) log in or password for my blog. But my dysfunctional memory finally kicked in.

Where do I want to start?? Mmmmm.

A friend of mine create a new blog for the new year (Kinda:), and I finally got a chance to read it. She is simply amazing considering the difficult situations that she has encounter in life, and her resilency that continues to refine her as woman.

I get this daily spiritual email, and one of the titles was "Failure that leads to Godliness". It said "God uses broken things to accomplish His greatest work" and "God often uses failure to make us useful". I think that the writer should have included broken people also, because sometimes they turn out to be the greatest leaders and individuals.

Cornel West once talked about there is no such thing as success, because we are all failures when we die. Of course, I was uncomfortable and puzzled by that statement. But you know me, I remained open minded. So he continued by saying all of us will not accomplish everything that we wanted to do in life, therefore we are all failures. So the discussion should be around what type of failure do you want to be. Do you want to a failure who made a significant impact on society or do you want to be a failure that never maximize the gifts that God so kindly gave you?

Don't worry about your failures and challenges as long as you don't repeat, but learn from them.


"Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid."

John KeatsEnglish lyric poet (1795 - 1821)