What are you afraid of?

Everytime my daughter spends quality time with me, we (she will say that it is mostly me) think of random questions for us to answer. Our hope is to better understand each other.

On this particular day, I asked her,"What are you afraid of?" She looked up and then at me. She said,"Death". I asked her why. She said that she would miss her friends. Then she said one other thing,"I would forget what a cheeseburger tastes like". (With these two responses, we may see a dip in the daughter holiday spending budget.) Jokingly, I told her that she would forget that and a lot more things once she dies.

Sometimes you can spend considerable amounts of time with people that you love, and never really know them. You can not know what they like to eat, watch, do, or read. Or what they are most proud of, what would they like to accomplish before they die, who inspired them the most, or what was their most hurtful or disappointing memory.

Buried in the right questions are answers to who we are. Two fears that people may have are: 1. being yourself or 2. asking and answering questions. Whenever you can, take the time to get to know yourself and others. Once death knocks on any of your loved ones' doors, you will find that "your getting to know others" time was well spent.

Unintended Inspiration

People actually read this stuff. What is even funnier, some enjoy it. Recently, I interviewed a bright young man for a position, and he did his due diligence by researching me (FYI-It is a good idea to research your interviewer before an interview). This was the first time that someone had found by blog.

At the beginning, he discussed how he liked my writing style. I'm not sure if he was stretching the truth for interview points. If so, it worked a little:) His favorite was my "Punked" post. We transitioned out of the conversation by him saying that I should write again.

Well look at here....I am. What is even cooler, the writing bug just hit me again and this time I remembered my password to the blog.

Words and actions do impact people for better or worse. Thankfully on this occasion it was for the better.

Back to Familiar Things

Sometimes doing familiar things or people (just kidding:) can be good or bad . But this post is about doing something that was familar to my family before my mom got sick.

That thing was Friday night dinner with fried catfish, spaghetti, and Mom's world famous cole slaw. We had not done that since June 2006. On Friday, Gabrielle asked what we were eating for dinner and the first thing that came to mind was catfish. Now I was so tired from work, and I certainly did not feel like grocery shopping and cooking. But something moved me to do it.

I went old school by making my own batter out of corn meal. The skill of preparing spaghetti was learned under the tuteledge of my sister. The only reason that I know how to fix the cole slaw was because momma told me how to fix it while she was sick. So I will always have a personal connection to that dish:)

We all ate and it was goooooood!!! So it can be refreshing to reconnect with those things and people that are familiar to you.

My Tribute to my Mom at her Funeral

The tribute that I did at my momma's funeral is listed below, but let me put it in context. Some of the stories are not in detail and I will write about them in future posts. Of course, God is what help me handle and survive my mom's death. In addition, my tribute to her help me process her death in a much healthier way. I have spoken in numerous programs and acted in television shows, plays, and commercials, but this was the most difficult situation that I have spoken.

Just to let you know, it took me two days of working on the tribute off and on. As a memory would hit me, I would write down. On the evening before her funeral, I was up most of the night by myself at my sister's house, because I requested to be by myself. Once I finished it, I practiced it. Then, I walked on the treadmill to relax, and then slept for a couple of hours.

On the day of the funeral, my immediate family wore all white to represent a celebration of a life lived (Thanks Wayne for the idea). Unfortunately, someone was in charge of finalizing the details of my mom's funeral, so there were people on the program that I would not have chosen. But it didn't matter because 1) I was speaking and 2) I was last on the program. In retrospect, it was a good thing that I asked to be last, because certain individuals fumbled the ball of making mom's funeral a celebration. Thank you God for giving me the strength and courage to honor my mother's life by sharing some memories from our family and friends.

For those who helped me through everything, thank you. For those who have not been helpful, the sleeping giant has awakened!:)

Here is the tribute:

Introduction
My dad said I had 3 minutes to do my tribute to Momma, but how can you put a time limit on the words of a child to his/her mother? You can’t, so I will finish when I get finish. I hope our mom is not mad at me because this will be the first time that I will break her rule of reading what I have to say.

Many people have been asking how is Harry doing? For those who attended my sisters’ weddings know how I cried like I was at a funeral. So what is he going to do today?

While listening to XM radio, I heard a song by Kindred.
Where would I be without you?
What would I be without you?
What would I do without you?
I will answer those questions at the end of my conversation with you.

The Dash
Many of us have seen tombstones from the different funerals that we have been to. A person’s name, birth date, death date, and maybe a quote are usually listed on the tombstone. But people sometimes miss the dash. The dash is very significant because it represents the life of an individual. So today, I am going to talk to you about my mom’s dash.

Lesson Learned—After mom died, Melody, Acey, Brandy, Brandon, and I were riding in Melody’s truck, and I asked them to give me one lesson that they have learned from our mom’s sickness and death.
--Always rely on God first. Whenever you have a problem, go to God first.
--Never stay in any unhappy situation because life is too short.
--Love and forgive no matter how a person treats you or what they have done
--She was not my mother-in-law, she was like a mom to me
--Whenever you do a nice and thoughtful act do it, don’t wait because you might not get a chance to do it.
--Researched the history of wakes
--Hey Momma Blog entry

Stories From the Melody, Brandy, Gabrielle, and Me
--Seeing my sisters cross delta (AKA)
--Never missed an event during college (She always supported us) Success/Failure Rhythm Kitchen
--Thank Devin Peace Achiever of the Month
--Delivering flowers to mom 2 weeks before Mother’s Day
--Melody/Acey wedding party “Even when momma falls, she still does it gracefully”
--Brandy talk to mom every afternoon, Joan every morning.
--While riding in the car, I asked Gabrielle to think of something that she loved Nana to do. It took me about 10 questions to get closer to the answer that I wanted. So I just asked her to think about and let her mother or me know when she decided. She started crying”I miss Nana”. I asked her think of one good thing that you will miss about Nana,”Her not dying”
I was talking to Melody and I asked her was momma wearing the same outfit for the wake and funeral. Melody said yes. I told her that momma was going to haughty her and Brandy because this will be the first time that she has ever worn the same outfit 2 days in a row.

“Do You Need Anything?”
To those who have asked “Do you need anything”. Yes. Our mom dedicated her entire life to children because she understood that children are the foundation of a society. If you want to see a great nation, look at how they are educating their children. So I am asking that everyone to do one or all three of the following things.
Volunteer—MCS Connect Mentoring Program, Hands on Memphis, Knowledge Quest, Youth Congress, United Way Youth Leadership Program, Boys & Girls Club
Build long lasting relationships based on strong communication because there is no guarantee how long you will be here.
Trust in God by finding you spiritual self because our lives may be the only Bible some people will ever read.

Conclusion
Momma, where would I be without you? Right here, right now
Momma, who would I be without you? A real life example of your work and love
Momma, what would I do without you? Continue to seek complete happiness and greatness by building a closer relationship with God and making a difference in this world.

Thank you all for your acts of love! And as a refrigerator magnet in Melody’s kitchen says, “What you are is God’s gift to you, What you make of yourself is your gift to God.” So what will your gift be?

I'm Baaaaaackkkkk!!!

Maine, I lot has happen since I posted last. Part of what took so long was the passing of my mom, and the other part was I could not remember my dat gum (Did I spell this right?) log in or password for my blog. But my dysfunctional memory finally kicked in.

Where do I want to start?? Mmmmm.

A friend of mine create a new blog for the new year (Kinda:), and I finally got a chance to read it. She is simply amazing considering the difficult situations that she has encounter in life, and her resilency that continues to refine her as woman.

I get this daily spiritual email, and one of the titles was "Failure that leads to Godliness". It said "God uses broken things to accomplish His greatest work" and "God often uses failure to make us useful". I think that the writer should have included broken people also, because sometimes they turn out to be the greatest leaders and individuals.

Cornel West once talked about there is no such thing as success, because we are all failures when we die. Of course, I was uncomfortable and puzzled by that statement. But you know me, I remained open minded. So he continued by saying all of us will not accomplish everything that we wanted to do in life, therefore we are all failures. So the discussion should be around what type of failure do you want to be. Do you want to a failure who made a significant impact on society or do you want to be a failure that never maximize the gifts that God so kindly gave you?

Don't worry about your failures and challenges as long as you don't repeat, but learn from them.


"Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid."

John KeatsEnglish lyric poet (1795 - 1821)

Past Conversation with My Daughter

While sitting on the infamous couch, my daughter and I had this conversation about a month and a half ago:

Daughter: Daddy, I wish you were married to Mommy.
Me: (Thinking where is this coming from) Why?
Daughter: I like it when you all are together.
Me: Well, your mom is already married, so we can't get married.
(Then, she gets quiet)
Me: So how would you feel if I got married?
Daughter: (Thinking intensely) I would be okay with it as long as she was a good woman:)

Of all the sources to receive pressure to get married, I would have never guessed it would be my 5 year old daughter.

Mentoring Makes a Difference

I mentor a student at Vance Middle and we first met the last week in February. When we intially met he came across as very mannerable but education was not very high on his priority list. That may have come from his parents, friends, teachers, or community but I felt it was my job to change his perception. Just for the sake of this post, I will talk about our last two visits before school ended.

In the next to last visit, I wanted to find out how he felt about the time we spent together. He said he like how I mixed it up (meaning I did not just meet with him at the same place each week). For some reason, he thought that I could not play ball so I had to break his ankles with my crossover a couple of times. Also I visited him during lunch, sat in on classes, and visited his teachers.

Then I asked him what he was going to do for the summer. He said that he was going to summer school. So I asked him did his mom enroll him or did the school? He said that he asked to be enroll so that he can catch up in school:)

On our last visit, I was speeding from my daughter's Preschool/College graduation (It lasted 3 hours) to see him before school let out for the summer. I got to the school at 1:40 pm and the principal said that the students got out early. So I walked across the street to get a snowcone and while doing that I saw one of his classmates. I asked his classmate to get him.

My mentee came out and I asked him and his friend did they want something to eat. They both ordered nachos with peppers. So we all sat a talked about girls (that will be another blog), sports, and school. During our conversation, my mentee spots one of his teachers and tells his friend to come on. When they got finished talking to his teacher, they came back.

I asked them what they were doing. My mentee said that he was trying to find out if his friend could go to summer school with him so he can catch up too!

Moral of the story: If you have a spare hour every week, see if you can mentor someone. All of our youth are great, they just need someone to love and help guide them through life. Remember our children can be a lot of great things, but "they can't be, what they can't see".

A Conversation with My Daughter

While laying on the couch, my daughter and I were watching one of many kiddy movies together. This couch has been the recipient of many conversations that have caught me off guard with her. Here is one from this past Friday:

Daughter: Daddy.
Me: What?
Daughter: I want to have 2 daddies and 2 mommies.
Me: (Puzzled as HELL) Why?
Daughter: I want to give you a woman.
So I started to snicker inside. Many silent seconds pass then...
Daughter: (In her daddy's girl tone) Will I still be your pooh pooh when you get married?
Me: No one and nothing can ever replace you and don't you ever forget that.
Daughter: (She looked up at me then kissed me)

Movie watched: $3.95
Couch cost: Who knows how much my parents paid for it?
Fried Catfish that I cooked: $12.oo
Your daughter wanting to help you get married and at the same time she does not want you to replaced her: Priceless!!!

I've Been Punked! (No, this really happened)

A while back, my resourceful brother-in-law recommended this mechanic that had done great work for him in the past. Of course, if you are good for family, you are good for me. So while I was in Nashville, a friend of mine took the car to the shop in South Memphis.

When I got back, I asked my friend was there a way to slide the repair money under the shop's door. He said no and went on further by saying that the shop reminded him of Sanford and Son (Bad Sign #1). Then we left to drop off the money at the shop.

If the first bad sign was how the shop looked, then the second bad sign had to be my mechanic with the beer in his hand (He was on the job). Amazingly, the story gets better! I gave the mechanic the money and he told me to pickup the car tomorrow.

On the next day, I call the shop at 11:30 am, and they said the mechanic would be in later. Fifteen minutes later, he calls me and says that my car has been towed. In total shock, I start to ask him what happen. Immediately, he starts talking fast and says that I will go with you to get your car (Not I will pay to get your car) To make a long story short, he blames the towing service saying that a few towing companies have been falsely towing cars trying to steal them.

As soon as I finish talking to the shade tree mechanic, I call the towing company. What I thought was going to cost $75-$100 actually cost $185 (Thanks friend for lending me the money). During the conversation, I asked where was the car towed from. He said The Exxon at Poplar and Danny Thomas. I know you all want to know where is the shop located (near Mississippi/Southeast Parkway). Hmmmm, somebody has been joyriding:-) You know that I had to go by the Exxon to talk to the manager on duty. Come to find out, the mechanic parked my car in the Exxon lot and walked downtown to take care of some personal business (But you know that he will never admit to it).

Needless to say, I still waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come out of no where to say "You've been Punked!)

Oh yea, I got my car.

The Best Blue Sports Week Ever

11/14 Monday Dallas Cowboys @ Philadelphia W21-20
Memphis Grizzlies vs LA Lakers W85-73

11/15 Tuesday University of Memphis vs Wiscounsin-Milwaukee W79-52

11/16 Wednesday Memphis Grizzlies @ Phoenix W115-103

11/17 Thursday University of Memphis @ #14 Alabama W87-76

11/19 Saturday Memphis Grizzlies @ Utah W80-72

No need to say anymore!

Can I get a Hookup?

If you have ever had a job in your life, you have heard these very words. Whether it was at the beautyshop, barbershop, mall, auto shop, fastfood restaurant, bank, school, or the club. The hookup is just as synonymous to Memphis as barbeque is.

For those who know me (Not those who know of me), they can confirm that I rarely, if ever, ask for special treatment. But I have been involved with entertainment events that gave preferential treatment to customers who paid more for it. So is it the same as giving lavish gifts to politicians that vote certain ways on legislation?

I would be remissed if I did not address at least one of the rebuttals to the bribery that exist not only in Memphis but also nationally and globally. (Sorry, I meant lobbying:-) A select group of people that vividly remember the times of Boss Crump and other powerful politicians sometimes say,"Well, white folks been doing it for so long, bout time we can take advantage of the situation". Now be very careful with this mindset because there are kids out there that will be waiting on your explaination about when is it okay to be dishonest or not.

Within the past year, the Commercial Appeal has done MANY articles on political corruption and bribery. In my first draft of this post, I really wanted to call out specific individuals but I will refrain from doing so because the media has done a great job of exposing them.

To the government officials, why should you receive extra compensation for what should already be doing and to the public, when are you going to put a stop to the misrepresentation by politicians?

In the words of a voice from the Spike Lee joint, Do the Right Thing, WAKE UP! (This means YOU!)

"That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong." William J. H. Boetcker