Let Go and LIVE

It is a wise father that knows his own child.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), "The Merchant of Venice", Act 2 scene 2

Thursday, October 20, 2005, I had a conversation with my dad that would change my life forever. For so many years, I felt resentment toward my dad. At first glance, some would think that he was not in the home or did not provide for us. But that is far from the truth. He was in was not only in the home but also provided for us very well. We have stayed in nice neighborhoods and attended good schools.

During the conversation, my father and I were completely honest about how we felt. From that conversation, my family and I have grown closer together. I am eternally grateful to a friend of mind who reveal something from her background that was very private. At that point of her revelation, my friend probably was the most vunerable in her life but at the same moment I received the most strength in my life (Thank you friend!). Life is interesting sometimes because I was able to do something that I could not do in my 29 years on this earth and that is talk to my father candidly with much love and without any anger. Some may say why did you wait to now to have the conversation with your father. But I think had it taken place any sooner, the message would not have been communicated very clearly.

Why do you think mending valuable relationships so important? Personally, I feel everything in life is interconnected. Meaning had I never resolved the issues with my father, consequently the issues would have spilled over into other relationships with people I love. For example, in a few instances, I would avoid expressing my true feelings verbally so I would not talk to that person about the issue. Similarly, that was directly related to my relationship with my father. My greatest fear in life was having that conversation with my father, so psychologically if I can talk to him about how I feel, now I can talk to anyone.

For those who still are unaware about what it takes to be a good father/husband, here are a few things that I have learned:

• Being a father/husband is more than providing for your family, it is about being there spiritually, emotionally, and mentally for them.
• It is about being available when someone needs a person to talk to. It is about going to your child's activities that are important to them.
• It is about putting away your work to spend some quality time.
• It is about going out on dates even after you are married.
• It is about continuing to do the things that hooked your spouse.
• It is about putting emphasis on the relationships with the people that you love and not on the possessions that you love.
• It is about supporting your family member even if you disagree with his/her decisions.
• It is about going to the PTA meetings.
• It is about occasionally taking the kids to the doctor.
• It is more about the small, thoughtful gifts and less about purchased "I did not put any thought into this" gift.
• It is about spending time with the kids while your wife takes a bubble bath after she gets off of work.

It is about a whole lot more, but now it is up to you to want to figure the rest out!